What we think often gets manifested in our actions and behaviors. Sometimes we may not say what we think, but it still has an impact.
Judging your boss? Can't seem to trust that co-workers? That little voice in your head impacts everything.
In Dan Pallotta's blog post "How to Fix Misunderstandings at Work and in Life" he states "So often we talk past one another, distracted by the voices in our own heads, unable to listen to what other people are saying, let alone what they might be feeling — all under the pretense of communication."
You see, when we have an active little voice in our head about someone, we can't really hear that person clearly. When we "hear them," we can only hear our little voice, so in fact we really aren't able to listen to them effectively.
In order to smooth out the relationship, you really have to build a new perspective about the person. In other words, the little voice in your head needs to be quieted down. How can you do this?
1. Realize that when you feel that kind of intensity towards someone, chances are they have a similar issue with you.
2. Own up to your part. Try to find out the issues they have with you and address them.
3. As you change to address their concerns, the dynamics between you will also change.
4. Talk about the issue with a trained facilitator so that it is a safe environment for both of you.